As this thought provoking and rather depressing sunday comes to an end I see the think thru process was a hard one over several months, I had a light bulb over the head moment today. As the voices in my head have kept saying all the efforts I did in paxtial and other stuff never did any good cause they can't. That there are no solutions and if there were i wouldn't be capable of carrying them out anyway, that all the time, money, and energy i have put into this has accomplished nothing. One of the ways these voices get into our heads is thru others and how we perceive ideas. There are adversarial forces that put people in our path who manipulate things and then guide us to think a certain way. It will espically happen here because we are trying to do good.

The light bulb over the head moment came when I asked, did I have any more answers before signing up for paxtial? Was i farther ahead in any way back then?what did i have figured out back then that made me more of a success? And how has paxtial taken me downhill? It's possible for choices to take people downhill but when I thought how was life better before paxtial or even martial, how was i better? That's when I realized I had very few answers back then, and guess what, life didnt look the best back then, I have a few answers now, so the idea that paxtial, you can apply this to other stuff too, has no answers, look at life before and life after and it is easy to see this is an empty argument. Look for this to happen because we are trying to do things right and there will always be resistance to it.